Hi All..
Well after a party last night and alot of alcohol today started late into the afternoon and was a day of a severe hangover. It seems lately that all me and my friends are living for is the thrill of going out. Basically the last three weeks have been constant consumption of alcohol and loud music followed by either fast food or a long night of even more drinking. At the time its all seemed like fun and I have to admit alot of those drunken nights were alot of fun but today I woke with a different feeling. This feeling, which I cannot explain also came with a slight bit of self disgust and a slight hatred of the thoughts of going out anymore. I guess I realized that although these nights are the best fun and I get to spend alot of time with my friends, I feel like this thrill of the night and the drunkenness is a sad excuse for an existence. All the questions finally ran through my head saying "Why drink so much?" "Why spend all your money on booze?" "What did i do last night?". I dont like this feeling.
It has started to become surreal as in I dont know if I was talking to certain people or if that was a dream or if I was just subconsciously thinking of them. Then the next day is totally ruined with a hangover. We never go out just to drink beer, we always have to over do it with shots of Liquid Cocaine, Jagerbombs, Cocktails. Just pointless really.
So today I have decided that although in Ireland alot of the socializing you will do is in a pub or club. I am not going to drink all that much anymore. I am level headed and fortunate to live in a good family. I can say to myself that enough is enough. Its not productive, all your money is being handed to barmen, brain cells are taking a kicking, not to mention my fitness would totally go to pot if this continued and getting fatter than I already am is scary because who would even dare to look at you then?
This feeling I have is like one when you go over a bump in a car. Its an unknown excitement, a feeling of starting something new or motivation I guess. All through my life I have half started things. When I was younger, Karate, Scouts, Guitar, Gaelic, Reading entire series, drawing, playing music in general. Like almost get the thrill of buying the instrument or buying the uniform and then move on. Tenancies of a quitter. Thats why I say NO MORE.
I want to achieve something. Something that will make people aware of me. Something that you get compliments for, something that appeals to everyone. Soccer is the only thing I have stuck at in my life. Although I am not the best, I am not the worst. But then again its not Manchester United I am playing for.
So here starts a new me. The one people can rely on. The one people talk about. The guy that people want to meet, and when they do meet me then they say to themselves "He is more normal than I thought". I am going to be ruthless in achieving a goal. I want my wall decorated, along side all my soccer trophies and medals I want not only a big framed achievement, whether it a picture or certificate, I want a defining moment in my life that says 'On this date Gary Hogan grew up and decided to take responsibility'. No more excuses and no more time wasting.
It feels like I am missing something in my life that make people see you as a child and not quite an adult yet. So I'm going to find it.
Thanks for reading. More to follow...
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